160 Year Logo for Web

Congregation Emanuel of the Hudson Valley

What a Jewish Community Can Be

A welcoming and giving reform congregation committed to social justice, on-going learning, vibrant spirituality, diversity and the State of Israel
Yom Rishon, 4 Tishri 5778


Caring Community Shivah Guidelines

Please refer to these guidelines when participating in a Shivah Minyan.

1. Listen.

2. Be mindful of the time guidelines established for Shivah.

3. Be respectful of issues of confidentiality.

4. Use your experiences to maximize your sensitivity.

5. Remember that there are no hard and fast rules for grief.

6. Remember that just because you felt a certain way in your times of loss, doesn't mean that another feels or acts the way that you did.

7. Whenever possible bring homemade food.

8. Bring your food on a platter that doesn't need to be returned.

9. Give tzedakah as a way to honor the deceased.

10. Remember, it is about comforting the mourners.


And also:

1. Don't tell people how they ought to feel

2. Avoid sharing about your losses and/or how you dealt with them.

3. Don't criticize the mourner and his/her family.

4. Don't correct the mourner and his/her family.

5. Don't judge the mourner and his/her family.

6. Avoid sharing details of your visit/gossiping.

7. Don't overstay your visit.

8. Avoid bringing blatantly non-kosher food.*

9. Don't bring a platter that mixes milk and meat products.*

10. Remember it is not about you.

*Please see Temple Emanuel's Food & Dietary Guidelines.